My boss from years ago used to suffer from this; she called it "Can't Remember Shit." And, having hit the big four-oh a couple of years ago, I'll admit that I've suffered from this occasionally. Well, Adjab stumbled across a series of ads for The Telephone Guide that address myself and other folks who kinda know what they're looking for, but not quite...
I've stumbled across McSweeney's occasionally, and, though I'm not sure the actual purpose of the blog--aside from entertainment, of course--there's often some bizarrely amusing stuff to be found, such as this tale of how not to make a long story short...
I had to substitute-teach a class
yesterday, but I had no idea where the kids were on the lesson plan, so
I thought I'd just make it easy and have a "discussion day." But it
became really obvious right away that the kids hadn't done any of the
reading, because none of them were talking. And I knew they hadn't done
the reading, but I hadn't done it, either, so I couldn't make a big
deal out of it ... so, long story short, I have 13 tons of smoked ham
in my car and not a clue what to do with it.
For this and other amusements, follow this link...
Worth1000 is somewhat well-known on the web for sponsoring challenging--and often hilarious--Photoshopping contests. A somewhat recent competition (All right--sue me! It was in June!) addressed the concept of real world merit badges. Naturally, these caught my eye; catch the original link here...
First off, apologies for the long gap since my last post, but, hey, it's the summer, and we've been dealing with what used to be called the Woodward Dream Cruise but what has since evolved to Dream Cruise Week.
Anyway, a couple of weeks back, my partner and I celebrated our fifth anniversary (for you straight readers, that seems to correspond to roughly a fifteen-year anniversary) with a trip to Saugatuck, Michigan. Among the weekend's entertainments was a hilarious show at the Mason Street Warehouse, where we've seen plenty of great shows in the past couple of years. Now, I confess, despite the apparently well-accepted belief that one of the few things America has contributed to world culture has been "the musical", I was a little apprehensive here. As it turns out, my fears were ill-founded.
TGATPM has your basic Jerry Springer-ish plot--middle-aged toll collector, his agoraphobic wife, the stripper on the run, and the stripper's insane ex-boyfriend. Add in three local wives who form a bizarre Greek chorus and some surprisingly well-written music and lyrics, and you have yourself a show. Among the gems of R-rated dialogue...
"It's not my fault that cock-smokin', tongue-waggin', cheese-suckin' dick-in-a-bag doesn't know a lady when he sees one."
"Do you have any idea how long it's been since Earl and me have had a proper rendezvous? Rendezvous...that's French for fuckin'."
"Because enforcin' cruel and unusual punishment against a man for doin' wrong is not the job of the government. It is the job of the wife."
And that's just from the opening number. The cast was first rate--not a weak link in the bunch--and things got increasingly surreal until the finale, which featured the ensemble singing, "I'm gonna make like a nail...and press on."
Yes, I laughed myself silly, and, yes, I bought the CD. It's not playing there any more, but keep an eye out...
Or, alternatively, "When Automakers Misbehave". It started when Audi won the South African Car of the Year. "Big deal," said BMW. "We won World Car of the Year. Beat that, suckers." At which point lowly Subaru, lurking in the shadows, snarled, "Nice job, beauty queens. But we won Engine of the Year." Now, I realize things are tough in the car biz these days, but still...
Oddly enough, though, BMW also won one of those engine awards, which has led to considerable discussion about whether or not these ads are real; check them out for yourself at Left Lane News.
In this case, we're not talking metaphors. And, before you think, "Well, if you didn't leave your car parked out on the street for a week..." let me assure what happened to the hood of my car--which represents what happened to the entire car. I'm not sure if it's the horrific heat, or if it's some Hitchcockian avian plot, but I have never seen a car suffering from this much fecal abuse.
If you hit the Orange County Fair and were in the mood for something deep fried, Chicken Charlie's has some terrifying choices; check out the sandwich option on the far right. Thanks to BoingBoing for the heads-up.