splitting the adam

Once upon a Beetle?

So--riddle me this...

On ABC's Once Upon a Time--wherein all your favorite fairy tale characters like Snow White and Rumplestiltskin are alive and well and living today in Storybrooke, Maine--the main character (Snow White's daughter) drives a beat-up, vintage VW Beetle.

On NBC's Grimm--wherein a detective discovers he can 'see' mythical creatures like the Three Bears--the sidekick (a reformed blutbad, or 'Big Bad Wolf') drives a beat-up, vintage VW Beetle.

So, two modern-day fairy tale shows where a vintage Beetle plays a prominent role. Coincidence? Bass-ackwards product placement? You decide...

Dancing With the Stars, v13.0

Time for my snap judgments (and, frankly, after last season's predictions, I'm feeling pretty confident)...

• Ron Artest: Well, there's always one bad boy, and while I appreciate his motivations, it's not clear his heart's in it (although perhaps I could fault newcomer Peta's choreography)
• Rob Kardashian: I'm pretty sure this makes two Kardashians too many participating in this event. And his reason for being here? Improving his confidence and getting out of his sisters' shadows. Translation? "I'm here to be more famous." And his flat-footed performance shows he won't be going too far.
• Kristin Cavallari: Not a bad performance, and she's got a good partner. Not convinced she's not just another media whore, though.
• Chynna Phillips: Charming, down to earth, and (surprise, surprise), great musicality. Should make it beyond the first half, at least. And why does Tony seem to always get paired with the cougar?
• Nancy Grace: Well, apparently, she is at least partly human. And her Irish partner is quite the charmer. Not yet motivated to fastforward past her as I did with Tom DeLay...
• David Arquette: Seemed to live up to the pre-show hype, although a bit rough and goofy around the edges (which expert partner Kym should be able to address). And did I see PeeWee Herman in the audience during his dance?
• Elisabetta Canalis: Who? Meh. Her heart didn't really seem in the dance, and she didn't really seem to be enjoying herself. And not helped by the cheesy choreography...
• Hope Solo: I like her. Sassy, self-deprecating, and also nice lines on the dance floor. My favorite so far.
• Carson Kressley: Rather amazing that Carson's flaming nature was overshadowed by the whole Chaz brouhaha. I hope he lasts for a while because he's freakin' hilarious, but I gotta confess I thought his technique was truly awful, so his charm will have to go a long way. I must agree that he puts the C in Caucasian...
• JR Martinez: Shocking, heroic, and inspirational backstory, and I think the first competitor with any kind of significant military background. Surprisingly smooth on the dance floor (especially after watching the rehearsal tape).
• Ricki Lake: Well, she's got the best pro in the bunch, and, like Kirstie Alley, surprisingly graceful on the dance floor--and I suspect she's got great performance chops for the high-energy numbers.
• Chaz Bono: Talk about the odd couple (but perfectly matched)... A pleasant surprise on the dance floor, with pretty snazzy footwork and the ability to 'sell' the dance.

So, in the final analysis? I'm tagging JR, Chynna, Ricki, and Hope as best bets for the four finalists, with David as a wild card.

Random thoughts on the Tony Awards...

1. It's deliciously ironic that, for all the talk of the Tony Awards being the gay equivalent of the Superbowl, host Neil Patrick Harris opened with the show with a brilliantly hilarious song explaining that Broadway is "not just for gays anymore." 2. Ellen Barkin is still around? I assume her excessively along acceptance speech is explained by the fact that she seemed to fall off the face of the earth and she wanted to make sure people didn't forget her. I also wanted to see Joanna Lumley win just to get a bit of an AbFab flashback. 3. Surprise! Daniel Radcliffe can sing and dance quite well (and does a very good American accent). Personally, I think "How To Succeed" might not have been the best vehicle to make his musical debut; any show that includes a number called "A Secretary is Not a Toy" doesn't really age well, "Mad Men" notwithstanding. 4. Loved the number from "Catch Me If You Can", although I was surprised they didn't showcase the star of the show. 5. Thought the Spiderman bit was hilarious. 6. David Hyde Pierce? Still funny after these all years. 7. "I want to thank everyone I met in my entire life." 8. What kind of shirt was Trey Parker wearing? He looked a bit like a disco priest... 9. Well, what's an award show without a shrieking, crying winner...? But the charm vanished when she said "I am not leaving this stage." Yes, congratulations, but this show is not just about you. 10. Stephen Colbert as Stephen Colbert was the perfect choice to introduce "Book of Mormon". "I Believe" was great, but I would have preferred a number that showcased more of the cast. 11. F*CK! The TiVo just rebooted. Have no idea what I'm missing yet... 12. Great duet between Neil Patrick Harris and Hugh Jackman. Absolutely inspired! 13. Wait, what? Brooke Shields in "Addams Family"? Sorry--not buying it. And does anyone know what was bleeped out? 14. Worst bit of the evening so far? Bono and The Edge. Forced humor, and couldn't you have cleaned up just a bit? And I'm assuming that particular song from "Spiderman" was chosen because there were no cables or harnesses required. Quite forgettable. 15. Robin Williams? Also still funny after all these years. 16. "Anything Goes" is one of my favorite production numbers of all time, but I was hoping to see the new version of "Blow, Gabriel, Blow". I'm also wondering if any of the past Reno Sweeneys were as tap-tactic as Sutton Foster. 17. A moment here to thank the Tony producers for not including any faux celebrities (I'm looking at all you reality "stars") amongst the presenters. 18. Well, casting Brooke Shields in "Addams Family" looks like genius compared to putting Christie Brinkley in "Chicago". 19. Congrats to local girl Sutton Foster! And I thought she had the best acceptance speech of the night.

Riviera road trip: Cincinnati

Well, my Riviera--now christened Dolores--made her maiden long-distance this past weekend, joining a Lambda Car Club caravan from Detroit to Cincinnati. Along the way, I learned a few things...

• Despite the lack of reclining seats, I was reasonably comfortable over the four-hour drive. In addition, although I had hoped to get the vacuum-operated cruise control fixed in time, it turns out that wasn't too much of a liability. And, yes, driving a large-diameter, skinny-rimmed steering wheel can take some getting used to.
• Not only is the air conditioning efficient, it's scary-efficient--to the point where frost formed on the vents. In fact, it seemed as if the airflow slowed down after about twenty minutes; I'm told it's possible the compressor froze up and wound up restricting airflow. Fortunately, turning the a/c off for about three minutes was enough to unfreeze things.
• Fuel economy? 14 miles per gallon with three people + luggage aboard.
• I confirmed the passenger-side outside rear-view mirror, while stylish, is totally useless. If it were mounted about three inches further rearward, I think it might be visible (although then, of course, the symmetry with the driver's side mirror would be out of sync).
• Piloting a 4,000-pound car with drum brakes down a hill in a thunderstorm is very, very scary.
• It would have been nice, on the ride home, if Mother Nature had decided to let up on the rain for at least an hour or so; while the windshield wipers are reasonably effective, there is no 'intermittent' feature.

So--mission accomplished. And it's nice to be home...

PS: Check out some cool photos here...

On second thought...

Well , it's week two of Dancing With the Stars; what have we learned?
1. Mark Ballas needs to remember this is not the Ringling Brothers circus. Hopefully his disastrous choreography won't get Chelsea booted.
2. Cheryl Burke can apparently work miracles--holy crap, Mr Jericho can DANCE!
3. Kirstie Alley continues to delight...
4. Mike Catherwood's guns can't quite compensate for his dance floor shortcomings--but he's getting better...
5. Romeo's apple has apparently fallen far from Master P's tree.
6. Wendy's freakin' hilarious. I have to find her show, 'cause I'm not sure how long she'll be here...
7. Three words: Too. Many. Commercials.
8. Ralph Macchio is the embodiment of "I can do anything I put my mind to". He brought the biggest smile to my face.
9. New front runner: Hines Ward. Best consistency week-to-week.

'Cause you gotta have faith...

A CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western  Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a  long, long time. So she went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray. After 45 minutes, he turned to leave using a cane, moving very slowly. She approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm  Rebecca Smith of CNN. What's your name?"

"Morris Feinberg," he replied.

"How long have you been coming to the Western Wall praying?"  

"60  years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"For peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and hatred to stop. I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man."

"How do you feel after doing  this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a fucking wall."

Tip o' the hat to my dad...

Dancing With the Stars, version... whatever...

Is this thing on?

I confess, I've lost track of what season they're on, but I'm pleased the DWTS producers decided that reality whores (<cough> Kate Gosselin <cough>) and political slimeballs (<cough> Tom DeLay <cough>) were neither entertaining nor appropriate.

Missing? The big flashy opening number introducing all the dancers. Bummer.

So, who's here, and how did they do?

Chelsea Kane: I don't watch Disney, so she was a blank slate to me--but a delightful surprise. Good potential.

Wendy Williams: Anyone else flashing back to last season? Surprisingly shy on the dance floor given her larger than life personality, but could be quite entertaining (but not a long termer)

Hines Ward: Another pleasant surprise--light on his feet and good showmanship skills, too.

Petra Nemcova: Predictably graceful, and slightly subdued; some potential, but needs to amp up the energy.

Romeo: Really? Did we need to be reminded of Master P? Seems to have a bit of an attitude problem (rooted in stereotypes, it seems), but somewhat redeemed on the dance floor. Not bad, but no Kyle Massey.

Sugar Ray Leonard: Darn. I had higher hopes. Great attitude and smile, but sorely lacking in grace and musicality. Will coast on popularity for a while...

Kendra Wilkinson: Who? Where's her pole? Not bad, but not as much of a "performer" as I had expected.

Ralph Macchio: Rod Blagojevich called; he wants his hair back (yes, I'm jealous). Nice moves, though, and great choreography by Karina. The surprise of the evening.

Chris Jericho: Umm...er... Credit for a good attitude, surprisingly humble, and could have been far worse out there. Can Cheryl pull a "My Fair Wrestler"?

Mike Catherwood: "Psycho Mike"? Swell. Not sure why he's here, as he doesn't seem to care much. Tough to watch.

Kirstie Alley: The big finish. Holy odd couple! "If someone told me to haul ass it would take two trips". Moves surprisingly well for her age and size, and could go the distance because she's hilarious to watc., too

So, my picks? Chelsea, Hines, Ralph, and possibly Kirstie...

Oh, and Bruno: Really? "Call me Daphne"?

The newest addition to the fleet...

Although I am very, very happy driving my Mini--still a blast after twelve years--I haven't made any secret of the fact that I've always lusted after the first-generation Buick Rivieras. For those unfamiliar with the backstory--presented in greater detail here--was inspired by both the success of Ford's original Thunderbird and the great European grand touring coupes. Originally intended as a new LaSalle (the entry-level Cadillac), it was picked up by Buick when Cadillac declined the project.

So, for the past several years, I've been occasionally trolling eBay and Craigslist for Rivs (knowing full well, by the way, that our garage and driveway were already kinda full). Imagine my surprise when I stumbled across a Riv in (more or less) my own backyard--Fowlerville, Michigan, about an houraway from home. It was a fixed-price eBay listing, and the price seemed commensurate with my own investigations.

So, a week ago Friday I took the afternoon off to take a look. The owner, a Ford salesman (but GM enthusiast), has owned 240 vehicles over the last forty years, so it was clear he knew what he was talking about. He also owned a '58 and '63 Cadillac, and, after purchasing the car on impulse (from a friend who had owned and cared lovingly for the car for ten years), realized he couldn't get as comfortable behind the wheel as he could in the Cadillacs.

As you'll see in the photos, it looks clean. Real clean. We actually took it to the seller's dealer and got it up on a hoist. Near as I could tell, it was very, very original and very, very straight. We took it out for a drive--he let me behind the wheel--and up to 70mph on the freeway. Steady, stable, and quiet, with no unusual squeaks or other noises. 

I was very impressed. There were some known glitches, of course...

• The speedo runs about 7mph fast (not anissue)
• The cruise control currently does not work (would be nice but not required)
• The right exhaust manifold gasket needs to be replaced (the engine currently burbles a bit loudly on acceleration, and he's already got the gasket)
• The driver's seat motor started working fine but got a bit buggy; fortunately, the seat is pretty much where I want it

The original radio was stored in the trunk, replaced by a retro-looking unit with a concealed LCD screen and link to a six-disc CD changer. Also discovered after the fact (I forgot to ask), the cigarette-lighter power sockets need to be cleaned out to be able to plug something in.

So, I slept on it and discussed the matter with my partner. Turns out the owner of the diner we visit downriver--about a half-hour by freeway--was willing to rent me a garage. It's unheated, but it's a standalone unit and I'd have 24/7 access. So, Saturday morning--after getting a call from the seller who told me I've got first right of refusal but his phone was ringing off the hook--I pulled the trigger and closed out the eBay listing.

The plan was to have my partner drive me out there Monday afternoon--until I got to the bank and realized it was closed because of Columbus Day. I hurriedly called the seller--who hadn't accounted for that, either--and we rescheduled; he volunteered to drive out and pick me up.

So, on a gorgeous Tuesday, I took delivery--along with a couple of service manuals, a set of rear brakes, a carburetor repair kit, and some extra wiper blades. On Saturday, our car club went out on an 'apples and antiques' drive, and so the Riv got its public debut (and was greeted with spontaneous applause in the Starbucks lot where we met).

Next steps? Get the gasket, power plugs, and seat motors fixed. I found a nice key fob and set of floor mats on eBay, so those are en route, and I've got a weather-resistant car cover on order.

So, say "hi" to my new wheels and stand by for more updates...

Dancing With the Has-Beens, v11.0

Well, when I first saw the list of "stars" on this season's "Dancing With The Stars", my first thought was "Thanks gods for TiVo", because I would be fast-forwarding even more than previous years (see also: sleazeball politician Tom DeLay and reality whore Kate Gosselin). So--were my fears justified? Let's find out...

Audrina Partidge: First surprise of the night; not vain, not self-centered, dedicated to the event, and possessing a modicum of talent. Good for Tony, who got stuck with no-talent clown Kate (I'm sorry--did I say that out loud?) last season.

Kurt Warner: A nice guy (seven kids!), but not quite at the level of previous professional athletes.

Kyle Massey: Second surprise of the night; not just a performer, but also having a great sense of music. Could make it to the final three, even though he's among the least well-known.

Rick Fox: Unlike Kurt Warner, he's got the grace and technique to go far--and the fact that he's paired with previous winner Cheryl Burke increases his odds of success.

Margaret Cho: What's with the  costume? Did the producers have to pull that with the only Asian celebrity? Overall, a bit sad that that they overplayed the comedy bit.

Brandy: The first celebrity to come in with an advantage--with her musical background--and she didn't disappoint; definitely a contender for the final three. And a wonderful potty mouth, too...

Bristol Palin: Not sure how a teenage mother is a valid spokesman against teen pregnancy, but... Well, the good news is that she lacks all the annoying characteristics of her mother, but there's not a lot going for her. The fact that she seems to lack the conviction of her competitors from an "I'm here to win" standpoint, as well as any kind of showbiz style, works against her. And, uh, hello--while we got a nice look at Kurt Warner's family, no mention of Bristol's toddler at home?

Florence Henderson: Apparently, like Brandy, she's got a bit of a potty-mouth. In good shape for 76, and not quite the embarrassment of Cloris Leachman.

Michael Bolton: Ouch. This won't last. Great attitude and conviction, but that won't get you far...

Mike Sorrentino: Is it possible to be shallower than one dimension? Like Bristol, not entirely why he's here, aside from furthering his own attempt at celebrity. And do they really need to announce him as "The Situation"? Sorry, Karina, but this package is well past its sell-by date. Bonus points to Len for the smackdown--"Did I tell you you've got the guns but not the ammunition?"

Jennifer Grey: Well, off to a good start with partner Derek Hough, and genuinely likable person. Very lovely performance, that clearly struck a chord with Carrie Ann. Could make it to the final three as well.

David Hasselhoff: Like Brandy, comes in with a bit of an advantage with his theatrical and musicalbackgrounds. Oddly, he seems older than I thought, and what I thought was an advantage wasn't really there at all. Most likely to last longer than he should due solely to the popular vote.

So, to recap: my favorites are Jennifer Grey, Rick Fox, and (as my wild card) Kyle Massey.

See this: Drowsy Chaperone

Are you looking for a deep, meaningful show that offers profound insights into the meaning of life? Me neither! Which means you'll have a blast at the Village Players' production The Drowsy Chaperone. Friends and semi regular readers will know I'm a fan of the theatre; surprisingly, however, I had never seen this show before. I had seen the ads whenever we were in NYC--and had seen the performance on the Tony Awards a few years back--and I knew the original production starred local-girl-makes-good Sutton Foster, but that's as far as I had gotten. The show is a spot-on parody of vintage musicals (although you don't have to be a fan to enjoy it), chock full of every cliche you can imagine: the ditzy blonde, the leading man with the brilliant smile, and even the dry, quick witted butler (named, of course, Underling). The entire show is framed around a middle-aged, single man who's a big musical fan fondly listening to e soundtrack of this mythical show as it plays out in his head. While the songs aren't quite in the truly-hummable category, it's a very entertaining, laugh-out-loud, fast-paced ninety minutes, so find yourself a bit of free time to check it out. More info can be found at www.birminghamvillageplayers.com.